chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
