What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
