her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
