Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hippo gnu deer
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
