Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
