hotel room ftw
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
