I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
