i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
