We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
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