my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
