How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
