There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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