What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
