I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
