and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
