Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
