Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
