he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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