Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
