so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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