I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
