why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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