If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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