i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
