YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
a search helicopter?!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
