Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
