I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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