Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
