We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
