she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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