last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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