I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
