she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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