fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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