i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
