He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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