I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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