i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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