do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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