so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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