apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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