i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
