It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
