I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
