I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
and you fell through a lawn chair
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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