I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
