Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
