Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
