Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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