If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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