It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
