If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
