I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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