is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
