You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We left the knife in your bed.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
