i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
